November 20 2013

The Social-Image logo

By: Nicole McCance

Ever heard the expression, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? Well, it’s true. Distance in a relationship can make you feel closer and more attracted to your partner.

If you want more passion in your relationship or if you feel like you are taking your partner for granted, taking a breather could do the trick. Remember when you and your high school sweetheart tried the long-distance thing when you went to university or took a job in another city?  How you missed them so much it hurt? And that feeling of being so close to him or her even when he or she was miles and miles away? More importantly do you remember what it was like when you two finally saw each other again? It was exciting and passionate!

Well that right there is what I am suggesting you do, but on a smaller-scale. I want you to have a mini long-distance relationship. Studies have shown that couples in long-distance relationships experience more intimacy than couples who see each other every day.

Now, before deciding to take this space, you need to make sure you and your partner are on the same page.  You need to let your partner know that your reason for pulling away is so that you can grow closer and become more connected. I suggest sitting down with him or her and saying something along the lines of this:

“I feel like we are taking each other for granted and things have become pretty routine, I hear that distance can be a good thing. Let’s take some space to reignite passion in our relationship.”

Make sure you don’t become distant without telling your partner why. You don’t want to make them feel insecure or scared about what is going on.

Okay now, you may be wondering how to take some distance.  Here are four tips on how to do it:

  1.  Don’t communicate at all during the day. This means no texting and no calling, unless it’s an emergency.
  2. Sleep in separate beds for a couple of nights. Then, in the morning think about how different you feel about your partner.
  3. Hold out on sex for the week. Then, when the weekend comes go at it like crazy.
  4. Be independent. Don’t do everything together. Have your own hobbies that you do on your own time.  Have a night out with your friends and leave your partner at home.

In other words, I want you to go out and get a life separate from your partner. Research has shown that you are more attracted to your partner when you see him or her doing something that he or she loves.  This is because when we are doing something that we love we are happier and more confident. So start playing basketball at your local community centre, or take up knitting, decide to learn a new language.  It doesn’t matter what you choose. Just make sure it is for you.

Now for this distance to be successful, you have to make sure that you two test out some physical distance but not become emotionally distant. Here is the difference between the two.

Physical distance can create emotional closeness. So, this means that you could be on the opposite side of the world and still feel closer to your partner than if you were sleeping in the same bed as him or her. Emotional distance on the other hand, is something that you want to avoid. You can do this by keeping up a conversation with your partner about what your needs are and the purpose of the distance that you are taking.

I know, I know it’s a paradox: the more you pull away the more you will be attracted to one another. But trust me. It’s worth a try.